ZACARIAS MOUSSAOUI: ‘Look at yourselves—I fight for my belief’

Due to explosive demand, the RDR has little choice but to open up these pages to the inquiring minds of our irrepressible readership. If it proves serviceable, perhaps this advice forum can become a regular Friday fixture. Let's give it a shot, anyway.

The following are probably the two most provocative inquiries we've received to date:

Dear Roscoe:

Aren't you being a bit mean-spirited with this Moussaoui business? Do you really think it would be good for this country to make a martyr out of this guy by imposing the death penalty?

G. Clooney

Dear G:

"This country"? Nah. A people with no moral will to execute terrorists and murderers, enforce the borders, protect classified information or defend the national security may be a lot of things—a group, a club, an association, a gang. But a "country" is not one of them.

Dear Roscoe:

I'm confused about my sexuality. Do you know where I can meet penguins?

Jim (last name withheld)

Dear Jim:

No, Jim. I'm not too up on my penguins. I suppose you could try E-Harmony—or the Cleveland Zoo—and see what they say.

But let me address a larger issue, if I may. You mention being "confused." In that case, are you sure you're prepared for the social opprobrium such a relationship would surely entail? Most dining establishments, for example, do not serve penguins. For that matter, have you thought about how you would explain the situation to either set of parents?

Then there are the health issues. Surely you've heard of avian flu.

So, Jim. There you have it. I don't want to be too picky here, but I don't think penguins are a good idea.

Have you ever considered something a little closer to your own species--say, like Democrats?

Sure, an awful lot of them are mean and stupid and you can't trust them around children. But, hey, at least nobody cries when you have to put them down. Right?

Roscoe