Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Dear Roscoe:

What do you think Bush will do with the Iraq Study Group report? What should he do?

--C. Rice

Dear C.:

You mean the Charmin Report? I believe he’ll do exactly what he should do with it—i.e., give it to Dick Cheney for his next hunting trip. You know, when you’re out there in the blind for hours at time, sometimes there’s just no Charmin to be had.

Exhibit A is Natan Sharanksy, the former Israeli deputy prime minister, who is calling this exactly what it is—“appeasement.” Our friend Joel Rosenberg has the whole story. Sharansky, you might recall, is the former Soviet refusenik who wrote the book The Case for Democracy, which was vastly influential on the molding of Bush doctrine. And furthermore, Sharansky is in Washington to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom on Friday.

We rest our case.

Dear Roscoe:

Where may we shop this year for Christmas?

--R. Reindeer

Dear R.:

If you don’t want us to laugh at you and call you names, you’ll shop at the NICE stores. Don't let us catch you at the NAUGHTY ones—the commie-pinko, egg-sucking, politically correct, Ebeneezer Scrooge establishments that don’t have the integrity to say “Merry Christmas” to Christmas shoppers.

Concerned Women for America has a good list. We won’t give the link here because trying to insert it caused our system to crash twice and we lost this post and had to start over and almost broke our keyboard and said bad words and totally lost our Christmas spirit, if not our sanctification, in the process. So, we’ll post the actual list instead:

Naughty and Nice 2006


New! LL Bean - Released three Christmas catalogs this year!
Tractor Supply Co.
The Apple Store
TJX stores (TJ Maxx, Marshall's, HomeGoods, A.J. Wright, Bob's stores)
SuperD Drug Stores
J.C. Penney's
Joann Fabrics
Linens 'N Things
Hobby Lobby
Farmer Jack (grocery)
Stater Brothers (grocery)
In-N-Out Burger
Christian Brothers Automotive
Bath & Body Works


Best Buy - steadfastly refuses to mention Christmas
Old Navy
Home Depot - still hiding behind the "holiday" trees
Lowe's - clerks will only say "Merry Christmas" when it is customer initiated
Plow & Hearth - you might find Christmas in the fine print
Crate & Barrel
Eddie Bauer - doesn't want to offend anyone
Toys 'R' Us
Banana Republic
Bed, Bath & Beyond
Dick's Sporting Goods
The Gap


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