ASK ROSCOE: What's an Ahmadine-wackjob?

Last week was the maiden voyage of a new feature, a regular Friday advice column called "Ask Roscoe." And by popular demand, here we go again.

Dear Roscoe:

Is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, for real? You think he might be nuts? What's your take? What should we do about him?

--D. Cheney

Dear D:

"Do"? What makes you think we need to do anything? It'll be months, probably more than a year, before Iran gets the bomb. Don't sweat it. We've got tons of time. Heck, Ahmadinejad might get hit by lightning or bird flu or felafel poisoning in the meantime. How do we know what might happen?

No, and even if they do get nukes, who's to say they'd really use them? All that talk about wiping Israel off the map—I wouldn't pay any attention to that kind of political rhetoric. It's all for internal consumption—you know, keep the mullahs happy. Nor would I pay any attention to that "12th imam" stuff. I mean, just because he hears voices telling him to blow up the world and roll out the carpet for the coming Mahdi doesn't mean he'd actually do it.

And, the President doesn't really have the political capital to spend with those numbers as low as they are right now. Another military engagement with popularity below 30 points? I don't think so. Besides, there might even be another administration in office before anything hits the fan. Let the Democrats sweat it, right?

That's what I say.

--Roscoe

OK, folks. Keep those cards and letters pouring in. Glad we can help.