Letter to Mojo: Part 3

Frankly, people are getting a little concerned, Mr. Ahmadinejad, about your, uh, mental health. We've heard of your experience at the United Nations, where you believe you were bathed in an aura of light while you sort of hypnotized the delegates. Not to mention your visits to Samarra, where you talk to, um, someone—or something—down in a well. Some say that's the 12th Imam character, who's waiting to beam down from the Twilight Zone at just the right time.

You know, Mr. Ahmadinejad, that just ain't normal.

What's worse, it seems like your condition is epidemic in the Islamic world these days. Like the ones who say it was the Jews who caused 9-11, because everybody knows they didn't show up for work that day at the World Trade Center. Or like the ones who claim the Jews never lived in ancient Israel. Just like the Temple was never in Jerusalem. Those lying Jews.

My favorite one is the rap that says your Al-Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem was built 2,000 years before Solomon's Temple. Says writer Randall Price (Unholy War, Harvest House, 2001): "That’s a pretty neat trick, for Islam's founder wasn't born until 1,500 years after Solomon; there were no Muslims in Jerusalem until six years after Muhammad's death; and history shows that the Caliph Abd El-Wahd built the Al-Aqsa Mosque 80 years after that!" Details, details. . .

Yes, I know, you're an engineer. But there's this whole other science called archaeology. They've got utensils and weapons and documents and writing and all kinds of stuff. You could look it up. But you won't. You're too committed to your fantasies.

OK, maybe that's your business. But could you maybe understand, just a little bit, why some of us might not want you playing around with thermonuclear weapons?

Could we maybe interest you in a video iPod or a Play Station 3 instead? Pretty please?

Next: Bad religion.