Ask Roscoe

Dear Roscoe:

So, it’s been almost five years since 9/11. How come we can’t find Ayman al-Zawahiri and Osama bin Laden? Admit it: Bush is a criminal liar, isn’t he? It really was all about oil, wasn’t it?

Gary Dean

Dear Gary:

Yeah, that Bush and Cheney—they just ripped off all that Iraqi oil so we could have cheaper gas at the . . . Uh, well, never mind. . .

Actually, Gary, Bush is probably the most honest president in my lifetime—a man willing to stand on principle, regardless of how the political winds (or polls) may blow. Defeating Islamo-terrorism is not optional for America. It’s a matter of survival.

As for al-Zawahiri and bin Laden, there are three reasons, basically, that they’re still on the loose:

1. They’re phoney-baloney cowards, either hiding in rat holes like Saddam Hussein, or running around in women’s clothing with their beards shaved. When was the last time you saw a bin Laden video? All the recent communiqués have been audio.
2. Precisely at the time some months ago when the U.S. military began to talk confidently about capturing bin Laden, the mainstream mediocracy began exposing national security secrets, tipping the enemy as to our methods of surveillance and espionage. A hundred years ago, there’d have been some folks getting their necks stretched or having a last cigarette on the firing range.
3. People like you, Gary, who don’t support our military or our President. The enemy knows they can’t defeat us on the battlefield. But they don’t have to. They know all they have to do is wait for lily-livers like you to start bawling and mewling.

So, if you’re not willing to change your mind about this war on terror, my advice to you is to take a sharp knife and cut your own throat, and save them the trouble of doing it for you.

Oh, and have nice day, Gar.

Regards,
Roscoe