Is that a gun in your pocket, Sheriff?

Does anybody know exactly when it was we took that sudden detour into an alternate reality where truth is much stranger than fiction? I mean, stuff like this has become almost the norm anymore:

DENVER—A candidate for Pitkin County sheriff says a film he made of himself masturbating should not disqualify him from being sheriff. He said it is a healthy example of performance art. [Rest of the Associated Press story here.]

He even says he considers himself a good role model for young people. His name is Rick Magnuson, and if he gets elected, the already unusual community of Aspen is bound to become even stranger. “Oh no, Sheriff. This isn’t a mugging/rape/bank robbery/drug sale I’m doing—it’s performance art. See the camera?”

In fairness, the film reportedly never actually shows Magnuson’s, uh, package, just his arm “in motion” from behind. Well, there are just way too many easy crude jokes here—Magnuson needing to get a grip on himself, etc.—and we’ll try to resist. Most of them, anyway.

But we’d be remiss if we didn’t advise the voters of Pitkin County to give Magnuson this clear message in November: “Beat it.”

The plane truth

Speaking of performance art, did you see that video going around of an F4 Phantom crashing into a concrete barrier at 500 mph and vaporizing? Now, why would the military want to go and destroy a multimillion-dollar machine like that? We gather that it had something to do with seeing if nuclear power plant containments were strong enough to withstand a 9/11-type assault. Kind of makes sense.


The good news is that the concrete barrier survived intact, but the jet did not. Go here and see for yourself. It’s also apparently on You Tube. Those circulating this thing say it’s the perfect answer to lefty-wingnuts who claim 9/11 was a government conspiracy because, hey, where are the leftover pieces of the plane that supposedly hit the Pentagon?

The answer, which this video dramatically illustrates, is that under such conditions the plane is completely incinerated. Like vaporized. There are no leftovers to speak of. Scratch yet another conspiracy theory. (Not that it will stop them.)

Medical update

Several of you have indicated you’re praying for the ol’ Roscoe’s full recovery. (Bless you.) Well, we were actually supposed to return to work Wednesday, but there’s been another bizarre development. All those shots in the belly and oral medication were supposed to boost our anti-clotting blood levels to a 2 or 3. But when the lab results came back today, we were at a 9. Yikes! That means a paper cut or a razor nick could be serious. The clinic says they know of only one other person who got that far over the line, and he’s still alive to tell the tale.

So, by all means, don’t stop praying. And thanks. -- Roscoe