DAVID GREGORY: Voila! ‘Imus’ mystery solved

Oh, how fitting that the Rathergate shoes at CBS should be filled by NBC's Katie "Perky" Couric. Perky is bias-ready, having already bashed a couple of Republican presidents and any number of right-wing Christians on the Today show. She won't need the Vulcan mind meld or the sacrifice of small animals by candlelight or whatever it is they do over at CBS to produce hate-mongers. She's there. But more on that next week. . .

Meanwhile, it just means our current Enemediacrat of the Week, David "The Mouth" Gregory, is going to have to work that much harder at NBC to compensate for the loss of Perky. We're not so sure here at The Report, however, that Dave is quite up to the challenge. Calling in stoned—or stupid—to the Don Imus show from India recently was definitely not a good sign. Imus accused him of being drunk, which The Mouth neither confirmed nor denied. (Took the fifth, so to speak.) As the goofy exchange was replayed incessantly on the blogosphere, most critics agreed with Imus.

Never one to follow the crowd, Roscoe believes somewhat differently. Alcohol inebriation produces unmistakable effects in speech patterns—slurring, loopiness, etc. Cannabis, on the other hand, produces equally distinctive effects—distractedness, flight of ideas, bizarre thoughts, hilarity, etc.—while leaving the speech center relatively unimpaired. So, check it out. Listen once again to the exchange with these facts in mind, and you be the judge.

Personally, we think The Mouth clearly had a case of red eyes & the munchies. You can read the transcript at Drudge. One error: The Mouth did not say, "India is a wonderful language." He said, "Hindi is a wonderful language." He was cracking himself up repeatedly by saying na mas dey to Imus, which he insisted means "thank you" in Hindi. And here we have another problem: "Thank you" in Hindi is Dhanya-waadh. Not even close. So, what was he saying?

Not to worry. The Roscoe has solved the mystery: Not only was The Mouth partying with dope smokers, but Spanish-speaking ones. Na mas dey isn't Hindi, but Spanish—no mas de. Translation: "No more of [that]." In other words, "Shut up, Dave." Can't you imagine that he must hear that a lot?

In fact, it's our sentiments exactly. Q.E.D.