DAVID GREGORY: The heartbreak of BDS

So, Andy Rooney tells Don Imus that he's none too happy about Katie "Perky" Couric coming to the evening news anchor spot at CBS. Not, Andy hastens to add, that he doesn't like her. "How can you not like Katie Couric?" he asks.

Oh, Andy. Let me count the ways. How about mean-spirited, elitist, biased, snotty, snide, malicious, spiteful, nutty, disingenuous, devious, catty, distorted, dishonest and unfair, for starters? But don't get me started. Save it for next week, all right? We have a show to do here.

So, let us return now to our regularly scheduled program: "Why David 'The Mouth' Gregory should be fired as NBC White House correspondent." Let me count the ways.

[Insert sound file of The Mouth's case of uncontrollable giggles on Imus in the Morning.]

It was just yesterday that The Roscoe electrified the blogosphere with the solution to the 'Imus Mystery'—i.e., the real nature of David's altered state of consciousness and the real meaning of the mysterious "Hindi" expression that so perplexed the I-man. Turns out it wasn't Hindi at all. It was—well, go read about it down below. (We have a show to do here.)

For those who are interested, there's an electronic petition you can sign, asking NBC to rid itself of The Mouth. It's over at www.firedavidgregory.com. The sponsors cite The Mouth's recent erratic behavior at a White House press conference, in which he called the presidential press secretary (Scott McClellan) a "jerk," and the aforementioned Imus incident as evidence that David has succumbed to the dreaded disorder, Bush Derangement Syndrome (BDS). As with Bird Flu and egg-sucking dogs, there is no known cure for BDS. (Victims must be burned at the stake along with their clothing.)

"These two episodes illustrate serious breaches in journalistic integrity," wrote the sponsors. "Mr. Gregory has done damage to NBC News' reputation and the reputation of journalism as a whole."

Hmm, I don’t know. Isn’t that kind of like saying Cynthia McKinney has done harm to the reputation of liberal Democrats? We here at the Report think that damage has already been done long ago.

Well, that's our show for tonight. Don't forget to pick up your matches and gasoline on the way out.