AKS ROSECOEDINEJAD

Dear Roscoedinejad,

Is it really true that the Turks murdered 1.5 million Arminians in World War I? Why would they do that? And why was Nancy Pelosi all of a sudden so hot to trot on the issue? Why would she and Dingy Harry want to start problems with one of our few allies in the Muslim world? And what is an Arminian, anyway?

-- H. Zwingli

Dear H.,

Oh, that’s easy. It’s all part of the International Jewish Conspiracy, of course. Arminians are simply those who differ from Calvinists on issues such as supralapsarianism and the Monophysite question. Needless to say, to think that the Turks would kill hundreds of thousands of people over such theological fine points is ludicrous. They just didn’t like them.

So, don’t fall for that nonsense. Nancy and Harry are good allies in our common goal of America’s ultimate defeat – and Israel’s. Whatever they do, rest assured that it is only motivated by those high principles. There can be no alliances with the Great Satan and the Little Satan.

Now, my recommendation, H., is that you consider becoming an Islamo-baptist, like us, and then all these complicated things will make perfect sense.

Now, aren’t you glad you asked?

-- Roscoedinejad