Thursday, August 30, 2007

Birth of a movement

Infidels, prospects and proselytes:

Islamobaptism is catching on and gaining adherents even faster than we would have expected. Yea, faster than we can keep up with the divine revelations and the requests for clear instruction on our doctrines and creeds.

Therefore, we are pleased to announce the elevation of our dear brother Farouk Bin Ismail to the post of Associate Prophetoid for the purpose of assisting in these great tasks. Praise Jehovallah, PBJ.

Perhaps a recent exchange between Prophetoid FBI and his son, Travistan, will demonstrate what we mean. We think you will be touched, as we were, and receive further spiritual illumination all at the same time:


Can you talk to old prophet roscowhatshisname and get me a good position in the islamo-baptist movement? I want to have a huge castle and a big harem in the afterlife, but I want to be important enough so that I don't have to martyr myself to get them.



Since Islamo-Baptism is basically just another protestant denomination,only trying to be acceptably politically correct, we should emphasize that martyrdom is not required of converts. Though we do encourage Assisting old-fashioned Islamists in achieving unaccompanied martyrdom, if they are earnestly seeking it.


Needless to say, we are delighted to accept Travistan Bin Farouk into the faith as Acolyte Travistan. And we hope this helps to clarify our position on martyrdom. Stay tuned for more exciting developments and divine revelations.

--Prophetoid Roscoedinejad

Death to Intercourse, Pa.! Allahu fubar!

Monday, August 27, 2007

ROSCOEDINEJAD’s Review of the Weak

Attention, infidels. Just in case you doubted that resistance really is futile, let us now review some recent evidence that should make you think again.

HOLLAND: Let's Call God Allah

by Mohammed Abdelrahman & Nicolien den Boer

The Bishop of Breda, Tiny Muskens, wants people to start calling God Allah. He says the Netherlands should look to Indonesia, where the Christian churches already pray to Allah. It is also common in the Arab world: Christian and Muslim Arabs use the words God and Allah interchangeably.

Speaking on the Dutch TV programme Network on Monday evening, Bishop Muskens (pictured) says it could take another 100 years but eventually the name Allah will be used by Dutch churches. And that will promote rapprochement between the two religions.

Hello! Isn’t that what we’ve been saying all along? Islamo-Baptists ecumenically encourage use of the term “Jehovallah.”

Repeat after me: “We all worship the same God, after all. We all worship the same God …” Your eyes should be growing heavy….

FLORIDA: Florida televangelist loses show after Muslims complain

The Associated Press

ST. PETERSBURG, Florida: A Christian televangelist in Florida who harshly criticizes Islam and other religions said Friday that his late-night program is being pulled off the air because of pressure from a Muslim group.

Earlier this month, officials from the Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) wrote a letter to the TV station's owners asking for an investigation of the show it broadcasts, "Live Prayer with Bill Keller."

In a May 2 broadcast, the televangelist said Islam was a "1,400-year-old lie from the pits of hell" and called the Prophet Mohammed a "murdering pedophile." He also called the Quran a "book of fables and a book of lies."

This obsession with absolute freedom of expresion to the point of irresponsibility is the first thing you Dhimmi inifdels are going to have to get over...

PAKISTAN: ‘9/11 brought Americans closer to Islam’

LAHORE: 9/11 has brought Americans closer to Islam, since the Americans started studying Islam after the bloody attacks and realised that Islam was a peaceful religion, said Walter Russell Mead on Saturday.

The US foreign policy expert and Henry Kissinger Senior Fellow for the US Foreign Policy at the Council on Foreign Relations was speaking at Jamia Ashrafia on ‘The Influence of Religion on the US Foreign Policy.’

Osama was not a true leader of Islam and his acts were against the teachings of Islam, he said. Mead said as far as war on terror was concerned, the American Muslims were not a problem, but a solution, since they could act as a bridge between Islam and West.

Further affiant sayeth naught.

Death to St. Petersburg! Allahu fubar!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Dear Roscoedinejad,

Some of us are thinking that Islamo-Baptism needs more tenets, beliefs, rules etc.

Consider the following revelation....

Because Islamo-Baptism is more Christian and humane than pure Islam, which advocates the stoning of homosexuals, I think our policy should be the enslavement of homosexuals in hair-styling and interior decorating camps.

Enlightenedly yours,

Farouk Bin Ismail
Prophetoid of the Faith. (working on elevation to demi-angel)

Dear FBI,

Point taken. Clearly you have captured the essence of our emergent faith and the beneficence of our Merciful & Compassionate One, Jehovallah, PBJ. When Islamo-Baptist sharia is finally established, justice and compassion truly will be joined.

But now, allow me to pursue the question further: What, then, should be done with feminists, liberals and college professors?

Anyone -- especially true Islamo-Baptists -- may offer their thoughts here. The more the merrier.

What is especially heartening here, 'Rouk, is how the faith is spreading so quickly among quality individuals such as yourself. We are truly humbled. And we shall endeavor to devote more space here to an elaboration of aforesaid doctines & tenets.

So, watch this space.

Death to Colorado Springs! Allahu fubar!

-- Roscoedinejad


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Earth to Obama

Bomb Pakistan? Barack, what were you thinking?

Do you ever, like, actually listen to those Top Secret tapes we send you from Riyadh that tell you exactly what to do and say next?

Apparently not, or you wouldn't go and say something as assinine as "bomb Pakistan."

Did you ever stop and think of the implications? Like Obama might end up hitting Osama? Like Pakistan is a nuclear power, and they can bomb you back? Like you keep on saying things like that and you're going to hand the presidency of the United States to a heterosexual-identified person of the female persuasion?

OK, so maybe that might serve our purposes, too. Either way America goes down. But President Hillary? I mean, we have to live here, too, you know.

Wake up and smell the Turkish, man. Get with the program.


Death to Little Rock! Allahu fubar!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Stop moral corruption

See how low some people are going today:

Iran: Search for lost dog leads to arrest

Tehran, 3 August (AKI) - A young Iranian who was searching for his lost puppy in a Tehran neighborhood has been arrested and ordered to stand trial for 'moral corruption.'

According to the Tehran daily, Etemad Melli, the young man was caught while putting up a notice in which he was promising a reward to anyone who found his dog.

"Looking for a lost dog indicates the spread of a corrupt culture, which indirectly popularises keeping a dog at home, something that is completely foreign to the culture and Isamic tradition," said Tehran police spokesman, Mehdi Ahmadi.

"In arresting this young man, we wanted to send a very clear message to our young people, you need to steer away from the corrupt culture imported from the west."
Said Muhammad: "Angels (of Mercy) do not enter a house wherein there is a dog or a picture of a living creature (a human being or an animal)."

Beware of the slippery slope, my friend. First it’s dogs. Next thing you know, they’ll be wanting to have mixed bathing and play strip poker – even have Joos as friends. Not on our watch...

Death to Des Moines! Allahu fubar!

Thursday, August 02, 2007


Some of you people probably think this kind of thing is actually funny:

World History Condensed

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men or wussies. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth; the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

A few modern liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc,with passion fruit and kiwi aromas which are marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or Perrier bottled water. They eat raw fish but dislike beef. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, Ivy League professors, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to p*** them off.

FOOTNOTE: Death to Napa Valley! Allahu fubar!