ASK ROSCOEDINEJAD

Hey, Roscoedinejad.

Did you hear Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at Columbia U.? What’d you think? Pretty impressive, huh?

-- A. Zorbine, Jr.

Dear A.,

Yeah. Talk about pearls before swine. But, hey, what do you expect from a bunch of dumb infidels when a man the caliber of Mojo, PBJ, is in their presence?

These naïve Yank students have been so corrupted by Bush and the Great Satan that they actually believe the most absurd things. Like millions of Jews were killed in the so-called “Holocaust.” Like the peace-loving nation of Iran is developing weapons of mass destruction. Like Israel should have the right to exist. Like Muslims were responsible for 9/11. And like – LOL, gasp, pant – Iran has homosexuals!

Oh, stop! You’re killin’ me! I can’t breathe. As everybody knows, there are no homosexuals in the Islamic Republic. Not live ones, for very long, anyway.

And then, of course, that infidel swine of a university president, his ignorance brilliantly exposed, resorts to name calling – “petty and cruel dictator,” etc. Of all the nerve.

Next thing you know, these faux intellectuals are going to try to claim that the earth revolves around the sun, instead of the other way around.

Our man Mojo. He sure makes us proud, doesn’t he? Come to think of it, when it comes right down to it, who would you rather see have his finger on the nuclear trigger?

Mojo gets our vote, every time. Heck of a guy, isn’t he?

Death to Morningside Heights! Allahu fubar!

-- Roscoedinejad

ASK ROSCOEDINEJAD

Dear Roscoedinejad,

Yeah, Schmucky Schumer definitely has issues. But how’d you miss Congressman Dennis Kucinich when you were looking for nominees for that Stupid Americans award? Are you deaf or something?

--J. Chan


Dear J.,

No, Yu blind!

You are, of course, referring to the first annual Americans Stuck on Stupid, Hacked Off and Lacking Ethics award. Well, J., you’ve certainly got a point. Mr. K. is unexcelled in the space cadet department.

Perhaps you were even thinking of the same bizarre item
that also struck our attention:

US Democratic hopeful Kucinich meets Assad, blasts Bush
By ASSOCIATED PRESS
BEIRUT, Lebanon

US Democratic presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich, on a Mideast visit that included a stop in Syria, said the country lambasted by the Bush administration deserves credit for taking in more than a million Iraqi refugees.

Kucinich, a strong anti-war opponent who trails far in the US presidential polls, also said he won't visit Iraq on his trip to the region because he considers the US military deployment there illegal.

"I feel the United States is engaging in an illegal occupation ... I don't want to bless that occupation with my presence," he said in an interview in Lebanon, after visiting Syria. "I will not do it."

Bless that occupation with his presence? This is one messed-up individual, for sure.

Our advice? Best keep moving, Dennis, before somebody throws a net over you.

And the rest of you infidels: Keep those nominations pouring in...

--Roscoedinejad

Death to Shaker Heights! Allahu fubar!

Schmucky Chucky

There once was a Senator named Chuck /


Well, never mind that…

In case you missed it, here’s what Schmucky Chucky had to say today on the floor of the U.S. Senate:

And let me be clear, the violence in Anbar has gone down despite the surge, not because of the surge. The inability of American soldiers to protect these tribes from al Qaeda said to these tribes we have to fight al Qaeda ourselves. It wasn't that the surge brought peace here. It was that the warlords took peace here, created a temporary peace here. And that is because there was no one else there protecting.

… The violence in Anbar has gone down despite the surge, not because of the surge. The inability of American soldiers to protect these tribes from al Qaeda, said to these tribes: "We have to fight al Qaeda ourselves."

What an American. Talk about speaking truth to power. And what he’s doing to America. That’s why we love him so much. Without leaders like Schmucky, why, Americans might get the crazy idea that they can win this thing in Iraq.

And that’s why we’re nominating Sen. Schmucky for our first annual Americans Stuck on Stupid, Hacked Off & Lacking Ethics [acronym deleted].

Other nominations will be accepted, of course. But you got to go a long way to beat that one, don't you know.

Thanks, Schmucky. You da man!

Death to Chapaqua! Allahu fubar!

--Roscoedinejad