Product Endorsement

Infidels:

We don't usually endorse products here. In fact, this is a first.

But under the circumstances, we think you'll understand why we're making this exception.

Use this product:



Or else.

Death to Racine! Allahu Fubar!
Roscoedinejad

AKS ROSECOEDINEJAD

Dear Roscoedinejad,

Is it really true that the Turks murdered 1.5 million Arminians in World War I? Why would they do that? And why was Nancy Pelosi all of a sudden so hot to trot on the issue? Why would she and Dingy Harry want to start problems with one of our few allies in the Muslim world? And what is an Arminian, anyway?

-- H. Zwingli

Dear H.,

Oh, that’s easy. It’s all part of the International Jewish Conspiracy, of course. Arminians are simply those who differ from Calvinists on issues such as supralapsarianism and the Monophysite question. Needless to say, to think that the Turks would kill hundreds of thousands of people over such theological fine points is ludicrous. They just didn’t like them.

So, don’t fall for that nonsense. Nancy and Harry are good allies in our common goal of America’s ultimate defeat – and Israel’s. Whatever they do, rest assured that it is only motivated by those high principles. There can be no alliances with the Great Satan and the Little Satan.

Now, my recommendation, H., is that you consider becoming an Islamo-baptist, like us, and then all these complicated things will make perfect sense.

Now, aren’t you glad you asked?

-- Roscoedinejad

ASK ROSCOEDINEJAD

Hey, Roscoedinejad.

Did you hear Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at Columbia U.? What’d you think? Pretty impressive, huh?

-- A. Zorbine, Jr.

Dear A.,

Yeah. Talk about pearls before swine. But, hey, what do you expect from a bunch of dumb infidels when a man the caliber of Mojo, PBJ, is in their presence?

These naïve Yank students have been so corrupted by Bush and the Great Satan that they actually believe the most absurd things. Like millions of Jews were killed in the so-called “Holocaust.” Like the peace-loving nation of Iran is developing weapons of mass destruction. Like Israel should have the right to exist. Like Muslims were responsible for 9/11. And like – LOL, gasp, pant – Iran has homosexuals!

Oh, stop! You’re killin’ me! I can’t breathe. As everybody knows, there are no homosexuals in the Islamic Republic. Not live ones, for very long, anyway.

And then, of course, that infidel swine of a university president, his ignorance brilliantly exposed, resorts to name calling – “petty and cruel dictator,” etc. Of all the nerve.

Next thing you know, these faux intellectuals are going to try to claim that the earth revolves around the sun, instead of the other way around.

Our man Mojo. He sure makes us proud, doesn’t he? Come to think of it, when it comes right down to it, who would you rather see have his finger on the nuclear trigger?

Mojo gets our vote, every time. Heck of a guy, isn’t he?

Death to Morningside Heights! Allahu fubar!

-- Roscoedinejad

ASK ROSCOEDINEJAD

Dear Roscoedinejad,

Yeah, Schmucky Schumer definitely has issues. But how’d you miss Congressman Dennis Kucinich when you were looking for nominees for that Stupid Americans award? Are you deaf or something?

--J. Chan


Dear J.,

No, Yu blind!

You are, of course, referring to the first annual Americans Stuck on Stupid, Hacked Off and Lacking Ethics award. Well, J., you’ve certainly got a point. Mr. K. is unexcelled in the space cadet department.

Perhaps you were even thinking of the same bizarre item
that also struck our attention:

US Democratic hopeful Kucinich meets Assad, blasts Bush
By ASSOCIATED PRESS
BEIRUT, Lebanon

US Democratic presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich, on a Mideast visit that included a stop in Syria, said the country lambasted by the Bush administration deserves credit for taking in more than a million Iraqi refugees.

Kucinich, a strong anti-war opponent who trails far in the US presidential polls, also said he won't visit Iraq on his trip to the region because he considers the US military deployment there illegal.

"I feel the United States is engaging in an illegal occupation ... I don't want to bless that occupation with my presence," he said in an interview in Lebanon, after visiting Syria. "I will not do it."

Bless that occupation with his presence? This is one messed-up individual, for sure.

Our advice? Best keep moving, Dennis, before somebody throws a net over you.

And the rest of you infidels: Keep those nominations pouring in...

--Roscoedinejad

Death to Shaker Heights! Allahu fubar!

Schmucky Chucky

There once was a Senator named Chuck /


Well, never mind that…

In case you missed it, here’s what Schmucky Chucky had to say today on the floor of the U.S. Senate:

And let me be clear, the violence in Anbar has gone down despite the surge, not because of the surge. The inability of American soldiers to protect these tribes from al Qaeda said to these tribes we have to fight al Qaeda ourselves. It wasn't that the surge brought peace here. It was that the warlords took peace here, created a temporary peace here. And that is because there was no one else there protecting.

… The violence in Anbar has gone down despite the surge, not because of the surge. The inability of American soldiers to protect these tribes from al Qaeda, said to these tribes: "We have to fight al Qaeda ourselves."

What an American. Talk about speaking truth to power. And what he’s doing to America. That’s why we love him so much. Without leaders like Schmucky, why, Americans might get the crazy idea that they can win this thing in Iraq.

And that’s why we’re nominating Sen. Schmucky for our first annual Americans Stuck on Stupid, Hacked Off & Lacking Ethics [acronym deleted].

Other nominations will be accepted, of course. But you got to go a long way to beat that one, don't you know.

Thanks, Schmucky. You da man!

Death to Chapaqua! Allahu fubar!

--Roscoedinejad

Birth of a movement

Infidels, prospects and proselytes:

Islamobaptism is catching on and gaining adherents even faster than we would have expected. Yea, faster than we can keep up with the divine revelations and the requests for clear instruction on our doctrines and creeds.

Therefore, we are pleased to announce the elevation of our dear brother Farouk Bin Ismail to the post of Associate Prophetoid for the purpose of assisting in these great tasks. Praise Jehovallah, PBJ.

Perhaps a recent exchange between Prophetoid FBI and his son, Travistan, will demonstrate what we mean. We think you will be touched, as we were, and receive further spiritual illumination all at the same time:

Dad,

Can you talk to old prophet roscowhatshisname and get me a good position in the islamo-baptist movement? I want to have a huge castle and a big harem in the afterlife, but I want to be important enough so that I don't have to martyr myself to get them.

Love,
Travis

Son,

Since Islamo-Baptism is basically just another protestant denomination,only trying to be acceptably politically correct, we should emphasize that martyrdom is not required of converts. Though we do encourage Assisting old-fashioned Islamists in achieving unaccompanied martyrdom, if they are earnestly seeking it.

Love,
Dad

Needless to say, we are delighted to accept Travistan Bin Farouk into the faith as Acolyte Travistan. And we hope this helps to clarify our position on martyrdom. Stay tuned for more exciting developments and divine revelations.

--Prophetoid Roscoedinejad

Death to Intercourse, Pa.! Allahu fubar!

ROSCOEDINEJAD’s Review of the Weak

Attention, infidels. Just in case you doubted that resistance really is futile, let us now review some recent evidence that should make you think again.

HOLLAND: Let's Call God Allah

by Mohammed Abdelrahman & Nicolien den Boer

The Bishop of Breda, Tiny Muskens, wants people to start calling God Allah. He says the Netherlands should look to Indonesia, where the Christian churches already pray to Allah. It is also common in the Arab world: Christian and Muslim Arabs use the words God and Allah interchangeably.

Speaking on the Dutch TV programme Network on Monday evening, Bishop Muskens (pictured) says it could take another 100 years but eventually the name Allah will be used by Dutch churches. And that will promote rapprochement between the two religions.

Hello! Isn’t that what we’ve been saying all along? Islamo-Baptists ecumenically encourage use of the term “Jehovallah.”

Repeat after me: “We all worship the same God, after all. We all worship the same God …” Your eyes should be growing heavy….

FLORIDA: Florida televangelist loses show after Muslims complain

The Associated Press

ST. PETERSBURG, Florida: A Christian televangelist in Florida who harshly criticizes Islam and other religions said Friday that his late-night program is being pulled off the air because of pressure from a Muslim group.

Earlier this month, officials from the Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) wrote a letter to the TV station's owners asking for an investigation of the show it broadcasts, "Live Prayer with Bill Keller."

In a May 2 broadcast, the televangelist said Islam was a "1,400-year-old lie from the pits of hell" and called the Prophet Mohammed a "murdering pedophile." He also called the Quran a "book of fables and a book of lies."

This obsession with absolute freedom of expresion to the point of irresponsibility is the first thing you Dhimmi inifdels are going to have to get over...

PAKISTAN: ‘9/11 brought Americans closer to Islam’

LAHORE: 9/11 has brought Americans closer to Islam, since the Americans started studying Islam after the bloody attacks and realised that Islam was a peaceful religion, said Walter Russell Mead on Saturday.

The US foreign policy expert and Henry Kissinger Senior Fellow for the US Foreign Policy at the Council on Foreign Relations was speaking at Jamia Ashrafia on ‘The Influence of Religion on the US Foreign Policy.’

Osama was not a true leader of Islam and his acts were against the teachings of Islam, he said. Mead said as far as war on terror was concerned, the American Muslims were not a problem, but a solution, since they could act as a bridge between Islam and West.

Further affiant sayeth naught.

Death to St. Petersburg! Allahu fubar!

ASK ROSCOEDINEJAD

Dear Roscoedinejad,

Some of us are thinking that Islamo-Baptism needs more tenets, beliefs, rules etc.

Consider the following revelation....

Because Islamo-Baptism is more Christian and humane than pure Islam, which advocates the stoning of homosexuals, I think our policy should be the enslavement of homosexuals in hair-styling and interior decorating camps.

Enlightenedly yours,

Farouk Bin Ismail
Prophetoid of the Faith. (working on elevation to demi-angel)

Dear FBI,

Point taken. Clearly you have captured the essence of our emergent faith and the beneficence of our Merciful & Compassionate One, Jehovallah, PBJ. When Islamo-Baptist sharia is finally established, justice and compassion truly will be joined.

But now, allow me to pursue the question further: What, then, should be done with feminists, liberals and college professors?

Anyone -- especially true Islamo-Baptists -- may offer their thoughts here. The more the merrier.

What is especially heartening here, 'Rouk, is how the faith is spreading so quickly among quality individuals such as yourself. We are truly humbled. And we shall endeavor to devote more space here to an elaboration of aforesaid doctines & tenets.

So, watch this space.

Death to Colorado Springs! Allahu fubar!

-- Roscoedinejad

Earth to Obama

Bomb Pakistan? Barack, what were you thinking?

Do you ever, like, actually listen to those Top Secret tapes we send you from Riyadh that tell you exactly what to do and say next?

Apparently not, or you wouldn't go and say something as assinine as "bomb Pakistan."

Did you ever stop and think of the implications? Like Obama might end up hitting Osama? Like Pakistan is a nuclear power, and they can bomb you back? Like you keep on saying things like that and you're going to hand the presidency of the United States to a heterosexual-identified person of the female persuasion?

OK, so maybe that might serve our purposes, too. Either way America goes down. But President Hillary? I mean, we have to live here, too, you know.

Wake up and smell the Turkish, man. Get with the program.

Sheesh.

Death to Little Rock! Allahu fubar!

Stop moral corruption

See how low some people are going today:

Iran: Search for lost dog leads to arrest

Tehran, 3 August (AKI) - A young Iranian who was searching for his lost puppy in a Tehran neighborhood has been arrested and ordered to stand trial for 'moral corruption.'

According to the Tehran daily, Etemad Melli, the young man was caught while putting up a notice in which he was promising a reward to anyone who found his dog.

"Looking for a lost dog indicates the spread of a corrupt culture, which indirectly popularises keeping a dog at home, something that is completely foreign to the culture and Isamic tradition," said Tehran police spokesman, Mehdi Ahmadi.

"In arresting this young man, we wanted to send a very clear message to our young people, you need to steer away from the corrupt culture imported from the west."
Said Muhammad: "Angels (of Mercy) do not enter a house wherein there is a dog or a picture of a living creature (a human being or an animal)."

Beware of the slippery slope, my friend. First it’s dogs. Next thing you know, they’ll be wanting to have mixed bathing and play strip poker – even have Joos as friends. Not on our watch...

Death to Des Moines! Allahu fubar!